Skip to main content

I can't - is complete bullshit. Can'trum's and other general fuckery.

.
.
.

Man.
The amount of times I have thrown myself on the floor wailing. Mentally or literally.

"I can't fucking do this anymore"

Thanks, Weird Brain.

I fucking can. I could. I did. Even when this cock, Weird Brain, went and told me I couldn't.

Even when the glass was bone fucking dry.

At 13, running barefoot up a Caboolture ghetto street at 1am. Tears streaking across my face. My mother's screams ringing in my ears. My brothers quiet sobbing wrenching my heart. Shards of the smashed of the house phone (pre smart phone days) lodged in my foot. Sprinting for the Phone Box on McKean St. Thanks Drugs.

I kept on living. I made it through that day and plenty of shittier ones after it.

Frantically walking the floor with my screaming daughter for 10 hours non stop overnight. No help available. Husband at work 6 hrs away. Family 3 hours away. Prior to developing a decent local support network (we only been here 9 years, we aren't "locals" yet). Couldn't do that anymore either. Did.

Couldn't run my own business anymore. The stress was killing me. I do.

Can't.
Is.
Bullshit.

****Start Tangent - We could go on a tangent here, about how my coping skills and resilience has improved thanks to getting a good diagnosis and correct medication, so I could actually control myself. Yeah fuck it. Digress - always always always seek help with a professional. If it ain't working, get a second opinion. Or eleventh. Or thirty fourth. Always keep fucking seeking better. Science is always changing. Shit gets better. Keep fucking seeking.  I carted my ass up the hospital cause I was sick of feeling like shit and having a complete meltdown, periodically.
This is the ONLY exception to this rule. If you can't keep feeling like shit - fucking don't. Do. Fucking. Not. I am so glad I had the guts to have a complete nervous breakdown and look it in the eye and see what it is - fucked Chemistry. Not me. Now my chemistry is on an even keel I am awesome. And man, can I take some shit now. Resilience level 💯 End tangent****

Had a tantrum with the husband the other night when the kid kept waking up. Said I couldn't keep doing this shit. Still do.

Not here to just big note my crack, I want you guys who are scraping the bottom of the barrel to do two things:

a) read and apply tangent first; and then
b)laugh at your brain after you have an "I can't tantrum".

........ Cause you can.

It's as simple as just fucking doing it.

Don't psych yourself out about it. Don't get all entitled and think "Waahhhhh, this is poop and life is not supposed to be poop".... Whoa there buster - are you sure you are on the same subscription I am? Cause life is pain. Life is problems. Life is fucking constant change. The construct of perfection being attainable is fucking rubbish.

The reason we all think 'I can't' is because we have reached some predetermined limit we have either consciously or unconsciously set for ourselves for bullshit occurring. Or, perhaps we have this construct that if I attain ABC or buy XYZ or sleep with Mr D, things will be fuckin' peachy keen, raining beer and fucking skittles.

The can'trum you are having is because life leaning on your pain, resilience or trigger button long enough, hard enough or repeatedly enough to make your weird brain say " Jeeves, this fuckery has gone on quite long enough, have some Cortisol or some shit... I am out, bitches. Call me when the fuckening is over"... It's fucked with this construct you have of what "okay" is, or "good"is, or "I should be sat down watching Brooklyn 99 and drinking Cider and that is most definitely not what is currently happening" what the fuck ever the construct is. What ever your plans were, weird brain. They got fucked with. And your cup of fucks given overflowed into a can'trum.

So, if we accept the constant flux of our lives, fuckery, pain, problems and whatnot... Then our can'trum's will probably be less frequent. Or more hilarious to those folk who are self aware of their can'trum's and bullshit, once we stop sobbing into our snot stained pillows with swollen eyelids, that is. We will laugh at our bullshit. Cause, you can. You did. And until we choose better problems or pain, y'all, you gon have to do it again. So embrace the suck. Embrace the fucking entropy.

So fuck can't.

You can.

Badass. 🤘🤘

Em, x.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why do we stay silent in the face of injustice?

I have this innate sense of justice.  Comes from my Dad, who is an ex-policeman.  It also comes from being stuck to the underside of Life's shoe—ground into the welt, like discarded gum. Watching horrid things occur around me, and with my empathy dominating my personality, it was a no brainer that I would end up getting a bit fired up over injustice.  As a kid, it probably meant I was a bit of a dobber. Well, yeah, I was.  It kills me and burns a hole in my soul. When people do the wrong thing, commit atrocities, or partake in the spread of evil across our society - like an oily, black, pervasive rot.  Evil is a part of our nature. Of Nature itself. But it doesn't mean we have to sit idly by and watch the world go to hell in a handbasket!  “The only thing necessary for the triumph of  evil  is for good men to do nothing.” - Winston Churchill, or Edmund Burke - depends on your source.  It is not in me to watch people get ground into the cogs o...
Post a Comment
Read more

Tom Marland - we need to talk. About Fire and the Climate.

An Open Letter to Tom Marland - food for thought and thought for food (Facebook)https://www.facebook.com/Tom-Marland-food-for-thought-and-thought-for-food-388056525306104/?ti=as  In response to his post made about Climate Change and Bushfire. Firstly, I would like to thank Tom for his work. He is a refreshing, real and honest writer of the facts of life on the land in Australia. His witty, intelligent and well thought out writings are an enjoyable read and oft informative. Today's post about Climate and Bushfire was something that I couldn't quite swallow. Plenty of points I agree with readily, and think it's bloody great he has raised it. But, Tom, mate, let's have a chat about some other information - that in today's totally controlled, and intentionally curated media scape you might be missing out on: with your Algorithms spitting stuff at you geared to your activity, engagements, and your dyed in the wool Liberal/National colours. Let's break it down sh...
Post a Comment
Read more

Mindfulness. Medication. Mediation. Marriage. Metal. Motherhood. And motherfucking Mark Manson. That's what's saved my life.

. . . I have a weird brain. My nearest and dearest oft admonish, lovingly, that they "love my brain". When I have heard something in conversation and drawn a parallel to the article in National Geographic, a study or book I read, a podcast I listened to...Things, they  just - snap into place for me. Like a pair of magnets. I am not a specialist. I am a generalist. Not Mensa brilliant; but my grandmother was. Maybe I could be. Never got tested... Who knows. Life never led me to academia - that's my little brothers job - Mr T and his PhD. But what I am, and what I can offer you, dear reader, along with the weird driver of my mind car - is experience. In the general fuckery of life. Let's do a brief overview, shall we? Hold your nose, cause here goes the cold water. . . . I was born in Rockhampton, Queensland, Australia, to a Policeman father and a  horse loving hippie mama. Like Australia's Dani California. Emma Queensland doesn't have the same ring...
Post a Comment
Read more